The Trouble With Chores and How to Find Beauty in the Chaos

While standing at the kitchen sink, I was overwhelmed by how long the mess was going to take to clean up, the trash stunk, dinner still needed to be cooked, and my son was “politely” demanding that my daughter stop playing the same song on her flute over and over. 

I do mundane chores like dishes and laundry every day and it seems to make me angry every single time 🥴- you think I’d be over it by now! It’s like being mad that I’ll need to shovel when it snows or put air in my tires to ride my bike; it’s part of the flow of life.

I’m still standing at my sink staring out the window trying to figure out which magic spell Hermione Granger would use (FYI, it’s the Scouring Charm 🪄) when it hit me:

Note: this photo does not depict the overflowing trash, upset teenager, unmade dinner, and a million other things that needed my attention. 

Hmmm… maybe Disney magic can help me!?

Hermione, King Arthur, Fairy Godmothers, and King Triton all failed to grace my kitchen with their magic.

I was staring out the window when it hit me

The window over my sink showed a beautiful blue sky, multi-colored fall leaves, birds, and my neighbor's adorable new puppy. 

I couldn’t see the beauty in the mess.

What if I were to flip my thinking from, “I have to do the stupid dishes again,” to, “I have a beautiful view while I take care of my kitchen?”

Then everything changed.

When I focus on the right things, I can see that beauty exists in the chaos. 

When I decided to explore the mind transformation that happened that gorgeous fall day, I looked more deeply into my books about the mind including topics like mindfulness, meditation, prayer, faith, joy, and more. What does this mean for us as women trying to take care of our never-ending to-do lists? Follow along for actionable steps you can start taking today to hate chores less and find more joy even in the most mundane and repetitive tasks. 

A Light-Hearted Approach to Laundry

One of my friends hates laundry so much that she’s actually gone to Kohls and purchased a weekend's worth of clothes instead of cleaning what they owned! 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you to say thank you to each pair of underwear as you fold it to be happier - that’s ridiculous (oops. Sorry if you do. Keep going, sista!). I am going to tell you that shifting from “I hate it” to “I have to do it” to “I get to ___ while I get the laundry done” was so transformative for me!

In Atomic Habits, by James Clear, he talks about how to make unenjoyable tasks more attractive by combining them with something you already enjoy like watching Netflix on the treadmill, calling a friend to walk with you, and more. How does this apply to laundry when you’re with a mountain of clothing? Tack it to a thing you wish you had more time to enjoy! 

While I was learning about blogging and websites, I was excited for my learning sessions so I waited until it was time for laundry to put on a much-anticipated podcast. When that ran out, I re-upped my audible account and started listening to inspirational books about my current passions. 

It wasn’t easy but it was so worth it to take the time to decide how I could enjoy laundry instead of trying to calculate how long it would take or thinking about how unfair it all is. 

Darkness has an opportunity to take hold of our minds when we dwell in “what about me” thinking. In Joyce Meyer’s book called The Battlefield of the Mind, she introduced me to the fact that the devil patiently waits for us to slip into negative thinking to pounce. 

How many times have you been doing something you despise only to act in a way that you regret like snapping at your kids or husband, breaking something in a little hissy fit (🤦), or worse - lost your joy for hours? When I open the door to negative thinking about circumstances I cannot control, I enhance the negativity spiral. Luckily, I’ve learned from some incredible leaders and authors how to recognize the spiral, move toward accepting the current circumstances, and seek joy within them. For that, I am eternally grateful and even more grateful that I have the opportunity now to share it all with you. 

Turn Taxi-Time into Tranquil Moments

Three Hours. I spent three hours behind the wheel of my car one Tuesday when my kids had events to attend, my husband’s truck needed maintenance, and I had a couple of appointments. I live in a very small town - three hours is simply ridiculous. 

I could have driven all tailgating and angry-style, dropping the hammer on the gas pedal at every light or stop sign like I did in the past. I remember feeling so angry when I had to drive all over the place.

But why? Why feel frustrated? And what is the solution? When reading about mindfulness, I remember the author talking about the power of gratitude. 

It sounded a little fruity-tooty at the time but I refuse to feel this debilitating negativity anymore so I gave it a try starting with identifying the reason for the task I am undertaking:

I am taking my daughter to a volleyball clinic; being a part of a sports team leads to social-emotional growth, positive exercise endorphins, cute hairstyles, interactions with great leaders, and the desire to pursue life-long fitness. Huh. Can I be happy to spend twenty minutes in the car to give her that gift? Yes! I can feel grateful that I have the time and ability to take her to volleyball. (Is this mathematics? One car + twenty minutes + volleyball = positivity). 

Then, an unexpected Mommy Bonus came from practicing gratitude:

Because my children can feel my calm attitude, future car rides have turned into pretty epic chat sessions! I’ve learned all sorts of things in the car like who has a crush on who, curiosity about health and body issues, who’s breaking the rules at school, not to mention the celebrations and consolations that come with the everyday life of these beautiful children. 

[Author’s note: While writing this blog post, right at this paragraph, a mini-mommy frustration came my way in the form of a beautiful twelve-year-old who is sad that she can’t figure out how to write a song for her keyboard. My writing hobby was interrupted but because I looked for the positive, I found a little girl that just needed a hug while she challenged herself to learn a new skill. It only took thirty seconds to put money in the love piggy bank. If I had told her to simply go away, I’m busy, I guarantee that her sour mood would have exploded. Gratitude moment for the day: I’m so thankful that my daughter is trying new skills in music.]

Kitchen Nightmare Turned Kitchen Daydream

Returning to my disaster of a kitchen, I couldn’t very well use the Scouring Charm like Hermione so how can I get the dishes done without frustration? 

Frustration, remember, is one of the many small pathways that darkness can creep into our day stealing your joy and stealing the joy for others that could have come from a more positive way of responding to a situation. 

I started by making my environment peppy; I turned on SiriusXM and listened to Downtown Julie Brown’s Back in the Day Replay, 1999, and Jewel took me to a nice little happy place. While doing the dishes, I focused on the blue sky and bright red leaves as much as possible while remembering to breathe fully and completely so tenseness couldn’t creep back in. 

What a world of difference! By the time Savage Garden came on, I was hip-dancing and the kids were wandering around me pretending they could dance as well as their mommy. 

It’s not always easy to be all hearts, unicorns, and glitter when chores are looming. In fact, I’d say it’s way easier to have a little internal toddler temper tantrum than it is to breathe, dance, and smile while scraping your teenage son’s Chef Boyardee off your favorite spatula. 

If living in joy and kindness were easy, everyone would be doing it! I feel so blessed to have learned a better way of doing life - with joy, gratitude, mindfulness, and connection. We were called to this role because it’s easy, we were called because God knew we had the strength, power, and determination to do it with love. 

Daily Celebrations

Brendan Burchard, a renowned coach, speaker, and author, talks about the value of analyzing your day to look for small wins - those small check marks that clearly indicate how we showed up for the people in our lives in a way that was meaningful and beneficial. 

At night, when I am blessed to kiss my babies (not babies anymore but I still kiss them) I have tried to make a habit of thinking or saying, “Thank you, Lord, for my babies.” I’d like to find more ways to purposefully think in ways that lead to joyfully contemplating my success and reflecting on how I can be more connected. 

Meditation/Prayer

Lord, please show me where the hidden joys are in my day so I can discover and celebrate each and every one. How can I encourage myself and my family to dance, spend more time enjoying the colors of nature, or find time to connect joyfully with my amazing husband? 

Keep me grounded in Your teachings about lovingkindness so I can cultivate it in my life, my children, my audience, and all my blessings. 

Grab your favorite journal and fabulous flair pen and write down the mundane tasks in your life where a new mindset might be the ticket to more joy. Dancing, music, audiobooks, and car ride chats could be the unintended side effects!